The habits you want to change once helped you survive.

Growing up, I didn’t realize I was building a survival strategy. I just knew what worked. Stay out of the way. Be easy. Don’t make things harder. If I kept the peace and didn’t take up too much space, things went more smoothly—for everyone.

What I didn’t know then was that I was doing exactly what my nervous system was built to do: find love, belonging, and safety—by any means necessary.

As kids, most of us weren’t taught how to feel emotions safely. If we cried, we were told to toughen up. If we got angry, we were “too much.” So instead of feeling, we adapted. We stayed quiet. We made people laugh. We worked hard. We took care of others.

Not because we were manipulative or broken. But because we were human—and smart.

Feelings are supposed to help us connect. Sadness says “I need comfort.” Joy invites closeness. Anger says “something’s off.” But if those signals weren’t met with care, we found workarounds. We had to. That need for connection is wired in as deeply as hunger or thirst.

And once those strategies kicked in? They stuck.

People-pleasing, overachieving, avoiding conflict, controlling the plan—these weren’t random personality quirks. They were tools. Brilliant ones. But they were built for a very specific environment. One you may not live in anymore.

The hard part is, your system doesn’t always know that.

Someone cancels plans, and instead of “oh well,” you feel a lump in your throat or a sudden wave of dread. It’s not just about this week’s lunch. It’s about every time you felt forgotten or left out or invisible. The moment is current. The pain is old.

That’s why so many of us feel like we’re “overreacting” when really, we’re just still reacting—to things our bodies never got to finish feeling in the first place.

Here’s where it can shift.

Next time you feel that pang—tight chest, pit in your stomach, heat rising—pause and ask: “Is this about right now… or is something older showing up?” If it’s older, let it be there. Breathe with it. Feel the wave instead of stuffing it down or trying to fix it.

You don’t need to solve your childhood. You just need to give that feeling room to pass through instead of run the show.

That’s what Unsnag is for. A quick way to check in with what’s really going on under the surface. Not to analyze it—just to feel it enough to move through. So you can come back to yourself. The present-day you, not the younger version who had to hold so much.

Your old coping wasn’t wrong. It got you here. But you get to decide what stays in charge.

And when you feel what’s here now, instead of reacting from the past—you get to choose what happens next.